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Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6
Chapter 7. Assuaging the Pain
As was her wont, Rose was awake by five the next morning. Since they were still on Thoraxas Trios she decided to forgo her morning telepathic training and instead headed outside to watch the dawn. The lack of practice did not dull her new sense, however, and she felt the Doctor’s presence behind her before he announced himself.
‘You never used to be a morning person,’ he observed quietly.
‘No,’ she acknowledged.
The Doctor shuffled his feet, discomforted by the brevity of her response. ‘I thought we might stay here for a bit,’ his voice suggested a question, even if his words did not.
Rose continued to face the sunrise and her reply reached him on a lilac tinted breeze, ‘That’d be good.’
The Doctor beamed. ‘Excellent. I thought maybe we could, um, talk. About stuff. And things.’ Damn, not quite as articulate as he’d planned. Somehow, recently, conversation with Rose equalled horribly tongue-tied stumbling.
‘Mmm, that’d be nice. Later, though, yeah? I made some friends, yesterday, on the beach and I’m meeting them for breakfast and stuff. ’Bout time I was off, actually. I’ll be back later, yeah?’
Rose stood up and, without so much as a backward glance, trotted off down towards the boardwalk. The Doctor stared after her, slack jawed. It had happened again. She’d just … left him. He looked down at his empty hand as if, somehow, it held the answer as to why it never seemed to contain hers anymore. It held no solution. He'd thought the gift had changed things, but clearly he'd been wrong.
Stuffing his hands in his trouser pockets, he looked back to watch Rose’s retreating back, his whole demeanour defeated. Long after she slipped from view he stared at the place where she had been, his incredible brain cells fruitlessly striving for an explanation. Here he was, trying to take the next step with Rose, the girl who had been openly inviting him to dance since he’d met her, and suddenly not only did it seem he had two left feet, but also as if she had lost all interest in the music.
She’d taken the news of her vortex enhanced DNA better than he had yet, ever since they’d left that pink moon, whenever he took a step towards her it seemed as if she’d taken two backwards. He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand and it was killing him.
The Doctor was sitting on the bench by the console, eyes blank and unfocused, when Jack found him. The Captain took one look at his friend and decided enough was enough.
‘Right, that’s it. Spill it, Doc. I was willing to play along, but you’re both hurting each other and it ain’t funny anymore. What the hell is going on here?’
The Doctor turned to meet Jack’s challenging gaze and the Captain almost recoiled at the blatant desperation there. ‘Oh, Jack, everything’s falling apart’. The words were so soft, Jack almost didn’t hear it. He almost wished he hadn’t; the Doctor hadn’t sounded this lost since the Valiant.
Jack pressed a hand against the Doctor’s shoulder. ‘Tell me.’
‘She told me she loved me, on the beach, after the void. I went back to say goodbye and she told me that. I couldn’t …’ the Doctor looked at Jack then, eyes desperately begging for understanding; ‘I’ve never needed anyone before, Jack. I kept her at arms length, even after she found a way back to me, because there was no future for us.’
Jack remained silent, certain that there was more to come from his emotionally taciturn friend and afraid that if he spoke the Doctor would retreat once more and whatever it was would remain unspoken.
The Doctor sucked in a taut breath; ‘I … I cared for her, but I couldn’t care for her and then she … when she healed … I,’ he wrenched his eyes away from Jack, turning his head away and closing his eyes, confessing to the dark interior of his eyelids, ‘I let myself fall, Jack. I saw the future, saw that it really could be with her and I fell. I’m falling Jack, but she’s not there to catch me anymore.’ There was a sob in his voice now, ‘I don’t understand. I’m reaching and now it’s her pulling way and I can’t … I don’t…’ With a strangled exclamation the Doctor launched himself from the bench, colliding with the console and hunching into it. Slowly the Doctor eased upright, shifting away from the support of the console. Without looking at Jack again, he turned and strode from the room.
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Rose had lied to the Doctor. She had not arranged to meet her new friend for breakfast, but she did want to see her again. The gift from the Doctor had been the catalyst she needed and suddenly things had become clear; she needed to speak to her mum.
She headed along the beach, towards a cave entrance almost invisible in the cliff face. The woman she was seeking was sitting on the sand in front of the cave, almost exactly where she had been the day before. Rose rushed towards her.
‘Silva! I’m so pleased you’re still here.’
Silva raised her head, blue-grey skin luminous in the morning sunshine. Her large black eyes glinted and widened slightly as Rose approached, the rest of her face remained still, however, as she responded to Rose’s call.
Rose! I am happy to see you, welcome. The greeting sang aside Rose’s head and focusing, Rose responded in kind;
Silva, you said, yesterday, that you could sense my sadness, that you had a way to reunite me with those that I had lost. I wanna. I need to see my mum. Can you show me?
The woman’s eyes narrowed. Are you sure, Rose? It requires great strength. Great love. You must want it beyond all else.
Rose gazed at Silva earnestly, I do, really.
What of the friends you told me of?
Rose sighed, I love them, I do. And it’s not like I’m leaving them, yeah? I just need some time with my mum. I need to say goodbye properly, make sure she’s okay. I can do that, right?
Of course, of course you can. I just need to be sure of your commitment. Ours is a rare gift, we do not share it with just anyone.
‘Please!’ Rose exclaimed, forgetting in her desperation to use telepathy.
Silva reached forward and gripped Rose’s hand. Very well, child. I will show you. Come. Rose sighed with relief, Silva was going to help her. She followed her into the cave. As they left the sun behind she felt a momentary stab of worry; perhaps she should let the Doctor know where she was going. Silva tugged on her hand and the thought dissolved. She would, she thought, tell him all about it later, when she got back.
Chapter 8
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